Date: 4/30/02
Author: David Williams

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Strung Out Wakeboarders Contest

Not too long ago, a thread on the WakeWorld Discussion Board stood out among its peers in both the volume and quality of posts. Spurred on by the enticement of unknown prizes, WakeWorld visitors put together an incredible list of over 200 clues that might help the over-achieving wakeboarder realize and admit to his or her problem. The absurdity of some of the suggestions was matched only by their disturbing reality.

Here I've done my best to sift through them and bring you the top ten according to me. However, I'm sure that no two people will fully agree on which ones are the cream of the crop. Therefore, we've also provided an additional ten for Honorable Mention purposes. Enjoy.

Top Ten

You know you have a wakeboarding problem when...

10) ...after you finish your Cheerios, you spend 20 minutes staring into the leftover milk contemplating the possibilities of riding the milky white glass.

9) ...you procreate just so that you don't have to find a flagman.

8) ...you tell your Vegas black jack dealer that you want to double up.

7) ...your primary concern when considering the purchase of a $50,000 boat is how easily you can sink it.

6) ...you insert the latest issue of Wake Boarding mag on the inside of your Playboy to fool your bachelor buddies.

5) ...you go to a lake with nothing but a board looking to hitch a pull. Bonus points for "Boatless, will work for pull" sign.

4) ...the day care teacher says your child threw a huge tantrum today and you say, "Cool! I am totally stoked for him!"

3) ...your doorbell looks like this:

2) ...your kid falls over while standing in the tub and you rush in with a raised orange flag.

1) ...you go to the bathroom and pee the path of a double up.

Honorable Mention (in no particular order)

You know you have a wakeboarding problem when...

...you seriously consider installing a 20,000 GPH gas-powered water pump for your ballast system so that you can fill six fat sacks in less than a minute.

...your F12 button is programmed to open a spreadsheet so your boss doesn't know you're replying to WakeWorld threads all day.

...you attach a Yellow Jacket line and Recon handle to the pull starter on your lawn mower.

...you start buying your dress shoes one size too small just so you can use binding slime to slip them on.

...you pass a raw sewage treatment facility and admire the glass of their settling pools.

...33 degree water is really not that cold.

...you base your dating requirements not on how nice, or beautiful, she is, but on whether or not she can launch a boat and back up an inboard.

...your dogs are named Double-up, Hoochie, Raley, and, the one that really likes suppertime, Fat Sac.

...grown professionals stand on $50,000 boats and say "Butta," "Peeps" and "Dude, you're bringing down the stoke."

...you're following a trailered yellow Supra Launch SSV and you're wife snaps you out of your trance because you're weaving back and forth behind the boat in your SUV as if you're crossing the wakes.

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